Monday, August 10, 2009

One Look, Snippet

This Excerpt Monday, I thought I'd post a story that I've decided not to continue. Next Excerpt Monday will be an excerpt of my upcoming October Samhain release, The Forbidden Chamber.

Intended to be a short story, "One Look" was my attempt to ... A. Write contemporary B. Write erotica (as opposed to erotic romance) and C. Write in first person.
This is as far as I got before I decided that writing first person/erotica wasn't for me. Haven't given up on Contemporary, but that's unlikely in near future, cause I'm just lovin' my space tales.
Anyway, this is short, but it was enough for me to recognize my discomfort writing first person when I've never had that problem with 3rd. It also felt too constrained and internal.

Do you have problems writing in 1st?

***
One look at him and I knew I needed contraception. Erotic interludes and one-night stands became a possibility for the first time in my life. My body had never come alive so quickly, edgy with hunger and yearning. Moments ago, he’d invaded my solitude, but an act that a day ago would have had me rebuffing even the friendliest greeting, today had me staring, breath held for that connection. When he saw me, he’d fall victim to that instant lightning, the recognition that had me squirming in my tight wool skirt.

On the park bench across the small park, he slouched down, his head thrown back to catch the seasonably warm rays of the sun.

Look at me.

Look. At. Me.

Why didn’t he look at me?

At ease with dress slacks stretched across muscular thighs, long legs, tanned chest peeking through the loosened tie and unbuttoned pale blue shirt. Two buttons. My fingers itched to work on the next. And the next.

Dappled shadows from the leaves rustling above stretched to caress his thighs. My breath held, longing to do the same, stroke up his stomach and tickle across his shoulders. When the shade reached his lips, relaxed, luscious, he opened his eyes.

And looked at me.

***

Excerpt Monday Logo

Please take a moment to visit other Excerpt Monday participants.

Note: I have not personally screened these excerpts. Please heed the ratings and be aware that the links may contain material that is not typical of my site.

So, to kick it off, your hosts:

Mel/Alexia Reed, Urban Fantasy (R)
and
Bria Quinlan, Rom Com (PG)

Joining us this week:

AJ O'Donovan, Poetry (PG13)
Stephanie Draven, Paranormal Romance (PG 13)
Heather S.Ingemar, Dark Fantasy/Poetry (PG13)
Babette James, Fantasy Romance (PG 13)
Cynthia Justlin, Romantic Suspense (PG 13)
Kaige, Historical Romance (PG 13)
Julia Knight, Fantasy Romance (PG13)
Ansha Kotyk, Middle Grade Adventure (PG13)
Adelle Laudan, Contemporary Romance (PG 13)
Jeannie Lin, Historical Romance (PG 13)
RFLong, YA Paranormal (PG13)
Caitlynn Lowe, Epic Fantasy (PG13)
Shawntelle Madison, Paranormal Romance (PG 13)
Crista McHugh, Contemporary Erotic Romance (PG 13)
Bria Quinlan, Rom Com (PG)
Leigh Royals, Historical Romance (PG 13)
Megan S., Paranormal (PG13)
Dara Sorensen, Historical Paranormal (PG 13)
Bethanne Strasser, Historical Romance (PG13)

Melissa Aires, Futuristic Romance (R)
Melissa Blue, Contemporary Romance (R)
Jax Cassidy, Contemporary (R)
Christina DeLorenzo, Furturistic Sci-Fi (R)
Maya Doyle, Parnormal Romance (R)
Ginny Glass, Paranormal (R)
Amber Green, Romantic Suspense (R)
Cate Hart, Paranormal YA (R)
Kinsey W. Holley, Erotic Romance (R)
Ali Katz, Erotic Paranormal Romance (R)
Aislinn Kerry, Fantasy (R)
Inez Kelly, Fantasy Romance (R)
Cherrie Lynn, Contemporary Erotic Romance (R)
Mel/Alexia Reed, Urban Fantasy (R)
Rebecca Savage, Romantic Suspense (R)
Fae Sutherland, Contemporary Erotic Romance (R)

Stephanie Adkins, Paranormal Erotic Romance (NC 17)
Evie Byrne, Erotic Historical Romance (NC17)
Dawn Montgomery, Erotic Paranormal Romance (NC17)
Lauren Murphy, Erotic Romance (NC 17)
Kim Knox, Erotic Paranormal Romance (NC17)
Emily Ryan-Davis, Historical Western Romance (NC17)
Kirsten Saell, Erotic Fantasy Romance (NC 17)
Jeanne St. James, Contemporary Romance (NC 17)

7 comments:

Maya Doyle said...

Personally, I think your first person was very nice. It didn't feel constrained to me and read naturally. Whether you think or believe it, I think you have a knack for first person--you made it look easy!

As for writing 1st...I thought I'd hate it (since I generally hate reading it), but I think it's easier in a way, especially to get inside the character's head.

Happy EM!

Stephanie Adkins said...

Great excerpt, Ella. I hope you'll reconsider and continue it again. :) Happy Monday.

Cherrie Lynn said...

I thought you did a great job.

I've never really tried writing 1st, though I've been kicking around the idea for my next book. I don't really want to have to get into the hero's head in that one, but the thought of trying something new makes me nervous.

Evie Byrne said...

Yes, I agree with the others. It read smooth. I wouldn't give up on it. I swing both ways, myself. First can be harder, particularly in terms of moving information along, but it also gives you this deep, hypnotic pov that works very well for erotica. If the story is in you, I'd say go for it!

Jeannie Lin said...

I didn't sense and discomfort at all! The excerpt was very personal -- maybe that's why it felt odd to get that deep.

I've never been comfortable with first person for that reason. It's hard to write "I" without meaning "I". If that makes sense.

Emily Ryan-Davis said...

I loved your first person POV and would love to finish reading this some day!

I don't really have trouble writing first person but I do have trouble switching back to third after I've been with first for a while.

Brenda ND said...

Ella, I like your first person snippet, but then I like most of your writing. Gtin.